If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
