There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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