he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
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being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
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I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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