I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
