Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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