Barsexuality is the new black.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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