His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I did not marry a roomba.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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