The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
