I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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