Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize