don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
