I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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