were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
