Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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