Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
