if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
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I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
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I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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