I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
