I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
