I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
