This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
