YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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