If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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