During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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