At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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