Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
