like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Life is so much better after having sex.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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