They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
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You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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