Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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