I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
