The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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