i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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