she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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