ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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