why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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