You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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