On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
