Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
