Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
