If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
