the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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