it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
