I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
