I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
