his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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