There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
