My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
