u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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