A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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