I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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