I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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