I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
