didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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