no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think your dad took our porno
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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