so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
