I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Let's get the cat blown out
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
