This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
