His pubic hair was longer than his dick
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
