pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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