wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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