It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
