Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
