is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
