omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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