Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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