Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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