Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
