She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I could make wine with my vomit
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
