I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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