he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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