omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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