You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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