He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
