Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
