dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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