he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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