Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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